making friends

one of my favorite compliments i've ever received was from my friend miranda:

"you make friends everywhere you go."

i was super tickled by this comment! i love my friends, and do think a lot about how connection actually forms. here are a jumbled bag of thoughts i have about the topic:

• in conversation, i've found that the more uninhibited, authentic, and vulnerable i am, the more others around me feel ok with doing the same, which is a precursor to feeling seen. when i talk to someone, what comes out of my mouth ~= to what i'm actually thinking.

• the secret to make and maintain friends is to set up your life in a way that makes it easy to see the people you want to see regularly.

  • host weekly, recurring events. it can take a lot of effort, back-and-forth, and coordination to continually plan one-off events, especially if its a group gathering with many people's schedules, so having something regular and consistent helps remove some of the friction of seeing friends.

• another way to see people consistently over time is to live with them! yes roommates! but, as you may know this is a bit of a hotly contested topic, whether or not it's wise to move in with close friends, as drama and resentment can ensue if everyone is not on the same page on what acceptable living habits are. i am generally very bullish on living with friends (disagreement can actually be a great for learning how to communicate and resolve conflict, both are timeless and useful skills).

• & more generally speaking, host more things! curate the spaces/hangouts you would want to be invited to.

• don't forget the importance of loose ties! not every relationship in your life has to be a super close friend to feel fulfilling. loose ties are people whom you see on a regular basis, but don't necessarily consider a friend. it can be your barista at the coffee shop you visit, or the receptionist at the gym you go to.